i let a very good guy know today that we are no longer together. (after trying to tell him 50 billion times last night and he, skirted it everytime... prolonging it)

he called last night (after the episode he pulled on wednesday) i hadnt talked to him. we met up last night and when i said "can we talk" he said "yeah, ill meet you at lilis..." (hardly the atmosphere you tell someone something like that)
we ate our pho (my favorite thing ever) and as we were sitting and digesting a little before going out into the cold) i made a comment making fun of him for the "people are scum rant" and he didnt find it funny. he tried to justify that whole thing because he was mad that i didnt call him back monday night, while I WAS AT WORK. im glad that its done... been said i mean, but i cant help feeling bad about it. he was more mad than upset and we got in the car and we were driving back to his house and all he kept saying was that he hates this because he finds girls that are really into him and hes not into them. he kept telling me that i threw him for a loop and that he was infactuated with me. then after that he got really mad and started on "i shouldnt have to deal with this... IM A CATCH" we were almost back int he city and we hit traffic. after the talking was done and the yealling and after i think he let a tear drop "comfortably numb" came on.

im not as big of a pink floyd fan as most but i hear it ALL DAY LONG and i cant help but be sick of it. it also couldnt have been more appropriate. i was in this pick it up, play with it, put it down and forget about it rut with guys. i thought i had gotten thru it, and maybe i have, but this feels much like that... being numb to everyone elses feelings to spare myself.
its sad.

so is this entry.

but i will say... a new adventure is about to begin... lets see how i fuck this one up...