i signed off... put on my new little black skirt and listened to the wind howling outside... i am thankful that the past 2 days have been rain and not more snow... 22 inches is too much already. the warmer weather and the rain got rid of a lot of it thankfully... but i talked to him anyway... i told him how i was feeling, and for some reason i couldnt talk to him... thou we were online and i couldnt hear his voice..i couldnt stop crying... maybe it is because it was so cold. maybe because of his short answers and him being short with me. i talked myself in circles and told him i missed him twice... i didnt want to but hes all im thinking about. how do i do this?

well, i was so upset and needed a cigarette so bad. and out of courtesy for my mom who was sitting on the couch having one, i was going to go for a ride to have a few and calm down... well, i got dressed, grabbed my traveling journal and packed a lite overnight bag incase he crawled back like he did last time he asked me to leave. and i couldnt get my car open. i have lock deicer and i tried it but nothing worked. so i kicked it a whole lot and that didnt do much either. i have to be at work for 10 am and they will still be frozen tomorrow. but at least maybe the sun will be out and the wind wont be 50mph. so i came back in the house. crying. sobbing even. and my poor mom tried to help but i slumped back in this chair. he had another away message up... "im around...so leave one"