i think some times, i like to just sit and stare at this white box. think about how i wish i was a better writer. wish that i could somehow give up the idea that there is a conspiracy against me and write it all out. but i always get found out. i know i cant hide here for long either. he'll find this. and nit pick, tear it apart, find every line that is about him. then i will kill him with a spoon. i have so much written, that for some reason needs to be read, but not by anyone i already know. they have preconceptions about me. i am so sick of that. i get categorized all the time. and it doesnt matter if its by some crack pot old man walking by me, but its the people that know me best that keep me in a box. i dunno where that came from ... any of that... *shrug*you know what else sucks, i never have any mail. i feel like such a looser when ever 5 minutes i check, expecting there to be something great, something worth opening...but there never is. what do i do wrong??? what dont i do?
its frigid 95 degrees out, other wise i would be out. but i have the flu in august...and i am not hungry for once, i dont want a cigarette, i have no one to call up and go for coffee with, i want to go alone but, god... it is so fuckin hot out...
i used to like the heat, but now i pass out if i get to hot.
i passed out against the leaning tower of pisa in a prince macaroni restaurant once. that was hilarious, i paid the guy, tried to tell my then beau that i was gonna pass out but my teeth were so numb that i found the leaning tower so when i fell back i would slide down instead of drop. i had a whole dream, about being in the airport. i met one of my long lost friends and we talked. and all i remember was i felt so rested. i was woken up by a large commotion, and someone touched my stomach and all i could say was, im so tired, let me sleep. and i was rushed to a table where i was lectured by the manager that i had to go to the hospital... i didnt. but i didnt even eat my food. i must have been half out when i ordered... i ordered a large veal sandwich...i dont like veal, only school lunch veal ... that was so good. sometimes i wish i was in school again ... and then i think about it and i realize i have got to be insaine...
im glad to be out. but i still get no mail...
