jayson called me last night and asked if i wanted to come eat with him and the boys... (they were playing a Lord of the Rings role playing game) and apparently worked up an appitite. so sucker me went over and we went to dennys... during that time he tried to get me to date one of his friends "were not dating... were just fucking, i think you should go for it... you'd be cute together..."

i think im getting over my lingering hope for us... mostly because i realize that the only reason im around is because he isnt in class right now and im there when ever he wants.

so... i think its time to turn and walk away. and as much as i adore him and want him in my life i see that i need a long hiatus from him. i am not a jealous person... but i think if i went away and came back into his life and there was a girl i may have to break her legs...

or hope that i am way over him by then... i think i am just ready... now...

i want to get over this... i know i can. i dont want to talk about it... i dont want to think about it... i just want to be over him and hang out with him and not fall into him and fall for him... i want to be able to talk to him without hating our... situation...

this is not healthy... it is not right.

when we first started together he would tell me all the rules he broke about the next girl he would date... im younger then him, i wear makeup and i smoke...