its 1:30am and i am not tired... im freezing... its about -4 degrees out and the wind chill is about -25...

i started cleaning my room as soon as i crawled out of bed today at 1pm. i looked around and i couldnt stand the filth i was living in. i had went to get a messenger bag out of my closet about a month ago and noticed that it was covered in a thin layer of white mold. ewwwwwwww-

so, sadly, thou i only work 2 days a week, it took me a month to go try to see how it happened and what else was covered in spores... i took EVERYTHING out... and to you, that may not be to much, but i am a pack rat and my closet is my stuff sanctuary... full of notebooks from the first day i could write, letters, photos, clothes, stuffed animals, empty 40 bottles from 4 years ago that i said "i can paint that"... i found some posters, my sisters art folder she attempted to throw away, some boots, slips, dresses, boxes empty and full, bags full of bags and some warm skirts i forgot i bought last year...

but... no mold... none. i was baffled but thankful. at one point in the day my sister amy came in and tried to open the door with vey little success due to the boxes and clothes and art and bottles piled waste high all over my room... for about 4 hours you couldnt tell the bed from the floor.

she came to ask me to take her to get her car and being the only other person here with a car... i had to take her. so on my way back i got somr burger king, haven driven by 2 of them my way there it was torture being so hungry and wanting a chicken sandwich so bad...

so i got home and ate and got really lazy... but being that you still couldnt walk in my room i had a task that needed to be finished. so i went back at it... took out 3 loads of clothes for other people to pick thru and see if they wanted anything before i take the rest to the salvation army.

i did laundry around 7pm which is still, sadly, in the dryer... i then, got on the computer and neglected what i truly wanted to do today... but i didnt even put make up on... and if you knew me, you would know that is a dead give away that i didnt do anything... but if someone showed up at my door i would shield my face and run for my eyeliner... its almost a mortal sin to see me barefaced...

so... i should have pulled out a phone number and took someone up on their offer for the weekend... but instead, i felt the need to clean... what a loser i am... i have to call tomorrow. its still the weekend tomorrow... right?

i havent really heard from jayson... this is the way i need it. well, he did call me last night around 1am... to tell me he wanted me to come over but he was going to be boring... but i think i need to just remove myself from this situation... i think i am getting to the point where the hopeless romantic has been wasted away and is no longer interested in chasing anyone... i hate when i cant shake someone... but if i am trying to get someone off my ass... i dont make bootie calls, i dont call at all... so i am going to rock his boat when i tell him i dont think i should go over...

i hate sleeping alone... i reeeeally hate sleeping alone. but, i also hate being led on... i need someone to want me... and for me to want them back...

i told my step dad (cal) that i wanted to get married. he look at me befuddled and said... "you do?" and i said... "hell yeah" which made him look away...

he thinks im nuts... i think its that he sees a lot of him in me when he was my age...

blah blah blah krissie...

im gonna look at boats tomorrow...