i am not a jealous person. accept for right now. i am jealous that i didnt get to see the one person i have wanted and needed to see in so long and she did... i am not a jealous person but i am right now, she got to be in his space, breathe close air, maybe even touch his skin...i am not a jealous person but i want to scream right now thinking about him and his perfection, that i pushed away, that i imposed upon, that i dented, caused hardship, that i lost by my own stupid will. i am jealous right now and you would be too. if you wanted one thing, one small meeting, to just cross paths, to smell him agian, to taste the nostalgia, to have been his cashier at home depot instead of her... i am a whiny bitch...a jealous whiny bitch... i only wanted one thing...i only screwed up once. i wish i could have a second change, but those are only in movies...but i have this strange misconception that it is still possible. that fate had us together from the begining and there were just a few things we needed to get out of the way first. maybe those were all we needed to get thru to make us feel complete and so we could be whole together again... i hope so... this sounds naive....but i am so lonely, and i know what he holds. i wish i could hold it, while he was holding me, holding time and fate, between us...
