im sitting outside the chiropractic medical offices- (401)274-0404

www.auto-injury.net

on smith street and oakland ave in providence rhode island.

jenny is inside ( for those who are unaware... this is my younger sister) she got hit last sunday driving down south main street by a 56 year old woman who was taking a left turn from the right lane into jenny...

her car is "totaled" but whats more crushed than the front passenger side of her 92 carolla is her spirit.

everything is crashing down on her all a once. so much going bad and shes not getting any good to balance it out. but shes dealing well. i guess thats all you can do. there are fits of crying and turrets-like-outbursts of "THAT STUPID BITCH!" and then a small quiet apology and she says "i just have to say that when i think about her" (the old lady) and i agree... i hold it in thou.

i just feel like i could have prevented this. i didnt even know till the next day. wondering why she wasnt at work at 8 next door to me like every monday.

and i feel so stupid. i always convinced myself once i had a car if anything happened to anyone i would be right there. but i am also one of the worst people to own a cell phone. i shut it off all the time, leave it in the car, i put it on silent, i ignore it, i sleep thru it. i answer it ocasionally, but its ususally just hanging in my purse in a different room.

well, this time it was on me. hanging on the back of the chair i was sitting in. but the chair i was in was infront of "brass attack", jaysons uncles band... we were in east greenwich, my car 45 minutes away from me. 3 minutes away from my sister in providence. both sets of keys, in my purse, on the back of my chair, accompanying the phone ringing, that went unheard...

wendy and joe went to get her at the accident. she called them to say she wasnt going to be in work the next day. thank goodness they were so great about it. and meanwhile her big sister is sitting infront of a brass band drinking mudslides and goofing off with jayson and friends.

i just feel like i could have done something.like... FATE...

she called me from her car early that day and asked if i wanted to go "photographying" with her.

i said, "sure, but i want to take a shower (i had been cleaning my room all afternoon) and that it would only be for a bit cuz jayson was getting out at 5pm and i hadnt seen him much. she said nevermind then, sounding genuinly dissappointed... i was in kind of a shitty mood and being sorta short with her. but i told her she could use my carmera if she didnt mind going alone. i asked her to go get it out of my car and bring my manual camera back into me. she left and returned a few minutes later with my keys and the camera she was taking with her. i asked if she had gotten the one i asked for. she said, "ohhhh im sorry, i forgot" and she extended her had for my keys to go get it for me. i said curtly "no, dont worry about it, its been out there, its just really hot and i dont want it to get messed up... ill get it later" and she tried a few more times to take my keys... i threw then in my bag and told her forget it.

i feel guilty. hd i just given her back my leys and had her go back out to the car and back into the house again. had i just kept her here for a few more minutes, then she whouldnt have been there for that ladys illegal turn. she may have gotten there later, and witnessed it, or it may have not happened to anyone. she might have gotten everywhere later, maybe ran into someone, anything that could have kept her away for those crutial seconds. but maybe it would have turned out worse.