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2005-04-18����2:53 p.m.
this big country

big change time...
i leave for Texas in 4 days...
then to New Mexico in 10...
there is talk of colorado in 12... but i think it might be more like 4 months...
wendy and joe are moving there... wendys going back home and joe is getting away from home. me????
nothing changes.
im not getting to move...
not any time soon at least.

i keep telling myself i just have to stay here for the summer and make crazy money at the bar... then i can use that to go anywhere i want...

im considering a few different places... all warm... all south... all west...

all alone.
im looking forward to getting out of here. theres to much of nothing good here and my bestist friends are leaving.

as heart broken as i am i couldnt be happier. listening to them talk about all the space they will have in a house of their own... this couldnt be better for them...

we have been spending extra amounts of time together being that this was just decided last week. we were talking at lunch yesterday and we decided it feels like we are trying to "cram in all the things we never did because we're running out of time"... and we are...
here anyway.
its just going to suck not getting to go bother them when i feel like it... that there wont be any birday presents being opened together. but im a big girl. and im a smart one... and i know its not that ill never see them again...
just not 3 or 4 times a week. maybe not for 3 or 4 months at a time... but im happy. this is the start... i could never have left them here... now i can leave too...

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE O.K.

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