ive woken up and done nothing to make my day special... nothing to make my day look like i am alive at all... waking up is getting easier because the sun is out every now and then.

its out today and even the sky is blue so im enjoying it. i actually got up and got ready and out of the house yesterday. i havent done that witout having to in a while. i had to go to the super market for a few things and i was *supposed* to go see my zombie movie which is in the final stages!!!!!!

it should be out in a few weeks and i cant wait. i was invited monday to the directors house to watch it but i had to go to work... again... supposed to see it yesterday but i never heard from richard. so i decided to go shopping for clothesto fit me instead of trying to squeeze into my "i didnt gain THAT much... did i?" clothes...

i was going to go to my favorite store when my sister told me that it has closed down. sure... there are others... and going to the one in mass is probably faster to get to than the one near my house but i just didnt feel like going to the mall.

i decided that i also didnt feel like payin $40- $80 for a pair of jeans (mostly because i cannot afford it) so i went to the salvationarmy. i found a great pair of jeans that i probably shouldnt have bought (their the same size as my "used to fit me" clothes... but i got em and squeezed my fat ass in them and was satisfied. i threw them in the wash and im sure they wont fit anymore but im up to a whopping 2 pairs of jeans. then i sat around on my ass the rest of the night not motivated enough to do anything.

tuesday was an interesting night... i worked all day and boots came to see me. he took the day off from work because he sat and got hammered at my bar the night before... so he came to see me at work and after we went to lilis because THATS WHAT I DO ON TUESDAY. there was no one there which was great because i got to play a lot of (crap assed) pool.

we were having fun and my friend erica showed up right before i left work so she came with and we were gabbing and laughing and having a grand ol time... you know... tequila, jager, beer, rum... the usual...

boots and i were going down our hil we do when we drink together where he was being judgemental and picky and i was being loud and flirty and he hates that. but i was having fun and i saw some people i havent seen in a while and i went over to talk to them. they intoduced me to "nate. he works at the redfez"

(boots was drinking murphysirishstout monday and it foams when you open it and he kept telling me that "the guys at the red fezt stick the can in the glass upside down and it pours slow and you dont make a mess". so when i met nate i asked if he was the guy with that trick.

he saw boots and said "oh yeah, that kid was in saturday night drinking boddingtons" so i knew it was him because that boots' favorite beer. the catch is boots and i were supposed to go out saturday and i said i wanted to go to lilis and he said "i dont want to go there. im so sick of seeing the same people and i cant beat the russian kids in pool and i hate it. its no fun" so we fought about what else we could do and it came to nothing.

i like to go out early so i can play pool before the place gets packed so i didnt end up going anywhere and he said he was just going to stay in... well... nate bagged him. when i asked him what he did saturday he said he sat in the house. fucking liar.

so i asked him again and pointed out that nate said he saw him at the fez he got all red and told me the truth. that he went to the fez for a few and then WENT TO LILIS! so i laughed at him and made fun of him for not telling me and i busted his balls. i wasnt mad at all. honestly. i thought it was funny that he would tell me no but go with the boys while i sat at home on my night off. so... we went on having fun and he said he had to get going because he had to be up early. we went out for one last cigarette together and instead of leaving when we were done he came back inside. we were sitting and talking and i was wating for my name to come up on the pool board and we were goofing off and being cutesie and laughing and then before i knew it he was bitching at me for something...

he bitches a lot.

i usually take it with a grain of salt and laugh it off and let him be bitchy and get over what ever is bothering it... well, i guess the jager just didnt want me to let it go and i snapped at him. he tells me all the time he doesnt trust me because "i have trust issues. ive been hurt before" and thats fine... i understand... but your not ready to date if you instantly dont trust people.

i layed into him about him not trusting me when i have been noting but committed and there for him and supportive and taking things slow just for him and that hes the one who doesnt deserve trust and he was a lying bastard. he didnt like that to much and got up and walked out as i was screaming "and dont fucking call me!"

so that was that... 10 minutes later i was laughing it up with some friends and taking goofy pictures and over it. it wasnt hard. he later told me he "cried like a bitch"

we talked last night online and i made it clear i was done with him. wah wah wah. i liked him to... but he screwed that up fast.

so here i am... st. patties day... getting ready for corned beef and green drinks with cold beer in the fridge.

i love st. patties day. big time. so after my giant rant and ramble...