my bestest friends came to see me and spend our monday at the bar time together while i sat and whined about not wanting to work. the showing you your better off part happened when my friend Sam showed up (the one that i mentioned was in the car accident and got his face torn up) with my friend john and then another jon was short to follow.

sam has had by far the worst february out of any body i know but still manages to keep his spirits up. his face is a little tough to look at but only because it looks like it hurts really bad.
you can literally see where they sewed skin from his back(?) on to replace what was missing and he says it "doesnt hurt that much because of all the nerve damage."

the part that hes most bummed about is that he cant whistle. (which made me laugh cause sam loves to whistle. he was ALWAYS whistling)

so i was happy to see him and i was reminded that life isnt so bad. not mine anyway. my friends love me and visit me and care that i feel like shit all the time and that im cursing the harsh stretch between winter and spring.

im not going to get into it... i really dont want to... but i seem to get worse and worse every winter to the point that just when im about to break... i cant take it anymore... i have to get out... i start to lose it... the weather breaks and gives me a little sun to hold me over for another week...

i worked all day and felt like shit and just wanted to puke my brains out all over the bar and make everyone go home. fortunately i kept myself from doing so and i sat around and did as little as possible. its amazing...

like being a kid in elementary school again... i go around complaining that i dont feel good and i want to go home and as soon as i am able to do so i feel better... instantly.

im usually out playing pool right now... its tuesday but if i havent mentioned i have cut myself from that one day our a week to none if i can help it. im sure ill still go out but im really trying to dry out and cut the abusing of alcohol. i love it to much and i know it.
im sure that had been contributing to my foul mood and huge emotional fluctuations sad sad sad.

im feeling a little lighter today after having cried for about an hour yesterday and not trying to hold it back or stop it. i just turned on the water works and let it go...
its amazing what a difference that makes.