i am sick yet again and i can tell i will be for some time. i have been laying around doing nothing for 2 or 3 days and feeling sorry for myself about work on monday...

i got a call from the club today but i didnt answer because i knew what it was... someone didnt want to (or couldnt) work and wanted me to do it... i finished watching "pi" and listened to my message. sure enough... exactly what i thought. someone needs a cover for tongiht...

but its super obvious how sick i am and i was told to forget it... (not that i would have done it anyway... it never even crossed my mind)

but once i was done talking to the girl that was helping out the needy night bartender i was put on the phone with my cook/ barback friend adam. he said "as a friend... i thought i should tell you that a complaint was posted by a regular about your behavior on monday. she felt you were intoxicated and called big daddy. boss man is supposed to be talking to you about it but i doubt he will. i just thought i should tell you and you can do with it what you will."

do with it what i will. ill tell you waht i want to do. i want to die. from embarassment... fear... dissapponiment (in myself)

im not going to deny it.
im not going to make excuses.
im going to be honest.
im going to try to keep this job.

i love it more than any job and i love the people i work with and the people i see everyday and i cant imagine working anywhere else.

i fucked up...
i fucked up big time...
and as much as i dont want to...
its time to face the music...

(and i would imagine if they were really upset about it... they would have called me... but i know them and they wont call... they will just replace me and give me some lame ass excuse as to why i dont need to come in anymore...)