i went out last night with joe and my friend erica.

im not sure if i wrote about erica comming to see me the other night at the club and there is a very easy way for me to find out but i am TO FUCKING LAZY.

we went to lilis... big suprise i know...

i havent hung out with erica since we worked together and im pretty sure that was almost 2 years ago... (if not more...)

we had a blast...
as you may have read in my last entry i was not feeling so hot with the bad news about my friends and im still not but i think i have that "comfortably numb" thing down to a science.

i promised myself that i would call over to their parents house today and see if i could get in touch with any of the brothers...but... what do i say?

"hey mom (do i call her mom or do i call her sandy? i called her mom for 3 years... but that was 5 years ago before i broke her sons heart)
i was wondering if i could talk to sam...
oh...
well, put him on the phone with the ear he still has...
well than can i talk to one of the other boys?"

and then what?

"hey. i heard you guys got in a horrible accident.
after years of not calling you (thou i admit... the first thing that popped in my head this morning was their phone number... which i have literally not dialed in 5 years) i am here to say that i feel bad and i want to see you. i know we dont hang out when you guys are at your best so now i want to see you when your all shaken and weak and having a terrible new year.... oh... your not feeling up to it... well... i can understand. it was worth a try. why dont you come down and see me at the club and feel really awkward and let me drag all of those terrible feeling out of you once you feel better. great. looking forward to making you feel like shit and thanks for letting me add to the number of people im sure are calling to send their best wishes and hope to see you."

awkward...
i know it wouldnt be like that but i really have no idea what to say...
so here i sit...
trying to think about happy nice things and make plans for the night...
but i know they are all sitting around tending to their maimed brother and wishing they would all just wake up.

what happy fun things am i thinking about?

MORE TEQUILA.
and boots.
he wants to get together tonight and watch a movie and cuddle.
and there is nothing that would make me happier...
ok...
maybe MORE TEQUILA.
but do i really want to take that path... again... and again... and again?

lets end on a lighter note...
here are a couple of pictures from last night...
AFTER THE TEQUILA HIT =)

gotta love your bartenders... and when i say love...
i mean LOVE.
thats j.r. if i havent introduced you yet.
i LOVE him.
and i love you.

as always... you can see more photos (new ones!) at