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2005-01-16����1:54 p.m.
me wasting time...

i ws a bad bad girl.

for someone suffering from the flu all week i sure was having fun at the bar last night...

i was supposed to be working technically... and i was willing to...
i called the one person at work that begs you to let her work for you and she couldnt do it. she also owns a bar and works at 2 others... a busy girl... so i was just taking a stab in the dark asking her so, i was disappointed, but still willing to do what i had to do.

then a few hours after i was preping myself to have to work the next day, i get a call from her that she found me a cover. woo- hoo! i took it...

i woke up yesterday for the first time in 5 days not wanting to die rather than get out of bed. i didnt want to go lay on the couch and i didnt want to rot away in front of the computer. i got up and took a shower and did laundry and cleaned up my sick den a little... THEN... i rotted away in front of the computer and the t.v.

i debated on going out or not, seeing i DID have the night off to stay in and get better... but i had done a lot of staying in and i just wanted to feel the love.

i went to lilis (big frikkin suprise) and i played some pool. i played well... very well if i may say so but i did manage to not win a single game. i blame the massive amounts of tylenol flu, the hard cider (mixed with meds... theres no booze in those things) and the lightheadedness from having not smoked a butt in 4 days...

but i think this is my chance... i think i might be able to quit.
rhode island goes smoke free in march and i think now is my chance. its easy to not smoke when your sick... but i think im really ready. i make no promises... but i really might mean it this time. i want to... im ready.

i never thought i would say that. not so soon after just last week preaching my love for nicotine and the habitualness of holding and inhaling. theres something so... bold about it. i find it really... strong. no... im saying it all wrong... ill shut up now... i love smoking and thats the bottom line... i just hate everything that comes along with it...

im rambling... what a waste of internet this one is...

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