you see... i generally have a migraine everyday...
i didnt have one starting last tuesday... it was the most amazing feeling...
until friday...
i can never tell what brings them on... they just come...
this one i know...
and someone will die for it..

i went out with the boy... he made me a yummy dinner and we decided we should go play pool... cause thats what we do.
we end up at lilis with a promise to one another that we would hop around all night and not just rot in the same 2 seats waiting for our names to come back around on the board for pool.
we go in and immediately... before i can say hi to anyone or take my coat off or think about what i want to drink i hear at one of the highest pitches i have ever heard... "Kkkkkkkkkrrrrrrriiiiiiissssssssiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

and i look at the person it came from... and i dont know them... but they know me...
then i think about it as im acting really excited to see her too and giving her a hug and asking her how her new years was... ( how do i know you ? who is this girl? think krissie think...) then my boys brother walks over... phew-
thats how i know her... last time i met her i was drunk... and as im about to say
"how nice it is to you again allison..." PC (the boys brother) asks if ive met joslyn.

saved again...

but nothing could save me from this migraine as long as she was there...

we join them at the table and are promptly introduced to natalie... joslyns roommate.

now... a little simple math for ya'll...

1/2 an orange + 1/2 and orange = ?

yes! a whole orange!

why doesnt this work with brains?

1/2 a brain + 1/2 a brain = 1/4 of a brain for some reason...

example...
as i m sitting very uncomfortably (i dont like these people...
they are
1) way to loud
2) obnoxious
3) rude
4) unable to complete a thought let alone make a complete sentence.

so... im trying to tolerate it because the boys brother is there and hes ok when hes not screaming or flying off the handle... his friend D, obnoxious, rude, sexist, raciest pig that hasnt gotten laid since 97... and the genius twins.

so as im sitting at what i can only recognize as an 8th grade lunch table with all the dick and fart joes and everyone is gay and everyones a slut and "your mother this and your mother that"

at one point genius J says to D... "your such a pessimist" (and he is.. and im surprised ... she used the word correctly and its also a fact!)

to which he replies "no... im a realist."

J: ya know... ive been thinking about doing that lately... i have a background in sales and business and YOU work from home and make a lot of money.

collectively: what?

J: i could sell a house... i used to sell cars.

we all burst out laughing ... we cant help it and then throw her questions like

"if your in canada and you need a house... do you go see a realitier?"

"if a dinosaur sold houses would it be a realisaur?"

and then she realized that realist and relator are 2 different words with very different meanings...

its true... D does sell real estate... and he may be a realist... but those have nothing to do with the other... and that was it... she could have played it off and made like she meant to do that but no... she admits that she thought she was using the right word while we laugh...

she continues to make an ass out of herself and if theres anything i hate its stupid people...

i tell the boy that i dont think i can stand it much longer and that i would be taking a seat at the bar shortly and he understood.

PC got a sandwich and offered a little to J.
she took a bite...
D says "holy shit girl... last time i saw a bite like that it was in a surf board!"

Which of course sends us all into laughter again at this poor morons expense...
D is laughing so hard he starts to cough.. this is her chance... she yells loud enough for the whole bar to hear...

"do you need some water to wash that dick down?"

to which we all looked at her like she was retarded ( and she is)

and that was it... a high pitched bimbo voice at 50 fucking decibels... i swear i heard something in my head pop and it took all of my strength not to grab her by her turtle neck sweater and launch her under a car thru the front window.

i went and sat alone...
it was all over...
ive had a pounding migraine since and i hate them for it...

i realized this story is much funnier when you can do the voices and impersonations so i left out the other piece of the genius duo but just thinking about it is making my head hurt even worse...

so ive figured out what causes migraines...