The smell of fire...

we say "we care about the environment."

We say "save the ozone."

We make it illegal to burn a pile of freshly raked, sweet smelling leafs, yet,

We can cut down thousands of trees to light their flesh on fire while people walk and ooh and ahh at the flame in a floating basket.

Water fire is so lame. It draws hundreds, even thousands of people back again and again to walk down the cobble stone ways by the Providence river. They play Gregorian chants and enya style sounds.

Call me an outsider because i dont joy in taking baby steps behind families and menopausal women, fat and balding men and children being allowed to walk in this crowd, mostly unattended. These are the sheep. The people who would rather follow than lead. The people who cause traffic and limit my parking so they can see ash scattered into and already doomed river.

I thought Richard would be here. He told me we had to meet tonight to finish the first draft of "rave to the grave" and if it wasn't done by the end of the weekend it was going to be scrapped altogether. But hes MIA.

Mara called me and asked if i might want to go out tonight. I think i should. My only problem is im driving. She mentioned Jerkeys, i have never been there. Id rather go to Steam Alley or the Red Fez. But ill probably just end up sitting here. Andrew (as far as i know) is not here. There are people to my left. (i guess there usually are) and they are explaining our courts and judicial systems to an english man. He is trying to eat a pixi stick but he keeps choking on it as the powder slides dry down the back of his throat.

What a so-far wasted Saturday evening.

I got to see jayson today. I didnt think i was going to. I met tim christy and amber, his girl...friend? toy? I dunno what to call her. They are staying at jaysons for the weekend and they are staying in my bed.

I want to stay there.

Not you.

I want my boy.

I want my cat.

I want my bed.

But as for now, as always, im waiting. With the smell of fire in my nose. With the impending call of what to do tonight. With other peoples conversations as my entertainment.

I think i missed the memo that tonight is beautiful people night at the cable car.

Merit is back.

She is inside.

And closely following her, but not with her, was a tall beautiful brown fluffy longish haired man with a silver earring. And close after him, another blonde dreaded girl, with a dreaded man.

This girl resembles merit but i cant tell if it is her. She looks a lot different. I can see her nose tonight. Her hair pulled into a pony tail unlike last night. Her knots look bigger tonight.

She invited herself to my table without even talking to me.

She is so close

And she is breath taking

I wish Richard would show up right now

Lets listen (shes on the phone again)

She has the earrings i love

I think its her

I didnt want to stare last night and i dont tonight but i am

But now that i hear her smooth unwavering voice it has to be her. The unenthusiastic uh huhs and yeah cools.

I cant see her feet. But her bracelet matches the thick beaded one i saw on her ankle last night. Maybe i should just write about her. Her story as i see it.

I wish i was beautiful. She is making a 2nd attempt to see capturing the friendmans at 9:30 and it looks like it is going to happen. She said yabba dabba instead of saying bye. How interesting.

RICHARD! Where are you! We didnt set a time but he knows i get here at the same time always.

She doesnt care to be discrete.

"can i pet your dog?"

its her. Those are her ankles, her brown sandal flip flop things, and her pretty toes.

She is gone. As soon as she came. She disappeared inside. She seems like a rude bitch but am i attracted to her. She has on the same suede brown shirt/coat and this time a mini cream colored skirt. And here she is. Back with a pita sandwich. I think she might be a vegetarian. It looks like all tomatoes and lettuce. She is quickly gone again without taking a bite. Her friend was earlier than expected.