but i talk about this to much.

can i talk about jayson? of course i can. can i talk about how i am head over heels for him? yes. can i talk about how every minute he is away i can picture his face, and his smile, his walk, his tan line where his shorts hang, the little spiky thing he does with his hair. i can smell his intoxicating cologne. i can hear his crazy noises and his lectures to stop smoking.

i can picture his sleeping on his loft bed and me crawling back up to say good bye. the way he scrunches his nose and groans with a smile and asks me to turn the a/c to the fan setting. or how he sleepily throws his arm over me in my blue moo shirt.

can i talk about how it sucks so much to not get to see him. and knowing hes so busy and going to be more busy, and now i will be working nights and he will not have his days free anymore. but i have faith that he will not let this go. not without a fight. i see it when he gives me those big blueishgreyishgreenyellow eyes. i feel it when he cant stop kissing me or rubbing my back. i know it when he tells me that my nose is what the boys like. when he squeezes me and tells me what hes thinking. when he calls me his girl.

and i am happy in this. and i am not a good person. but i know me makes me a better person. and i feel better. and i want to be better. and he wants to see it. he wants to be proud of me. and thats all i want.