well now... i guess i havent had much time to update... its been exactly a week, and we did get together again on thursday just like he and pixel asked... we were going to watch the engilish patient because he and i were talking movies on tuesday and he said we should watch it sometime. well, i got there and everything planned went out the door... and i didnt care. i called to let him know i was there and he met me as i was walking up to the door. he was back lit by a large white candle placed on the stove. he pulled me inside and hugged me even more encredibly than the "i have to take you home hug"... it was more like a "im glad to see your face again hug"... i didnt want to let him go... i guess i really didnt until 11:15am on friday. we just talked and told stories and kissed, so indescribeable, soft and hard at the same time, being careful and rough, just knowing that we were both real. squeezing hands and knees, whispering and laughing aloud... we couldnt get enough... and we stayed up to late, and as a habit i woke up to early... i had a doctors appt... went to that small touch of hell and then met him again for lunch... he had to work at 5 so i went back with him and fell asleep while he went and put on his perfectly pressed work uniform... he woke me up in that big chair in the kitchen, listening to raidohead and dreaming of the person that was only in the other room. then he got out of work, slept, and had to be back at 12 noon... so he got out at 6 and called me to ask ifi was free and tell me that he had a great night planned... so i got to his house around 6:45pm i think and we went from there... took a drive out to warwick and got the best chinese food at a place called the islander... (funny enough.. i just heated up the remains because in starving...) so... when it was fortune cookie time he held them behind his back and told me to pick one, i did, as i opened it he said, its about me... "kiss the person who sits next to you" i shit you not... thats what it said, if you ask ill show you. so then we went on another adventure... when we approached the secret location of the next thing we were doing he made me cover my eyes, and get out of the car and look only at the ground... and i did, like there was no one else in the world i let him lead me... he could have been leading me in front of a train and i would have gone willingly...
so as we approach he asks...
"do you hear music?"
"yes"
(door opens)
"do you hear it getting louder?"
"yes"
"ok... a few more steps... now open your eyes..."
and all i could do was gasp...
he took me ROLLERSKATING!!!!!!!
maybe that means nothing to you but it meant the world to me.
it means that he wants to have fun and be carefree... to laugh and maybe even fall but it wouldnt matter because it was all going to be fun.and my gosh it was. neither of us fell, there was a lot of arm waving going on on my part... i dont have the balance i used to... especially since i am now deaf in my left ear...
but then we went back to his house again, warm, comfortable, safe, peaceful and enveloping. i was there again the next morning... just where i wanted to be... and this time we took out time getting up... we took our time getting ready... and then we went for lunch... i watched him eat an egg and pepper sandwitch... and he watched me eat a mushroom cheese burger... then we came back to my house, being it was mothers day and i wanted to see my mom and i had another tart burner to add to her collection... we hung out for a bit, my gramma was here and my older sister showed up... we left and went for a nice long ride and i showed him where i got arested and why and then we went to friendlys and got a nice big ice cream with snickers and almonds and m&ms on it... we again, went back to jaysons... the place i like to be best... and we tried to watch the english patient... well, he was, i tried, but i fell in and out of sleep... i tried soooooo hard to stay awake but i couldnt do it. so we talked... a deep serious talk, like we have been (and i love) and then we went to play pool... he kicked the shit out of me so i guess red monkey got his revenge...
i went home around 1am... unwilling but it was best... im not going to screw this up. i refuse. and if it takes me dragging my ass away from laying with him in the guest room, then so be it... ill do anything to make this work.
but all i can say is all things for their reasons and i thank you sean, for kicking me in the chest... not only did i learn a lot from you, but you opened the door for the best thing in my life... i hope your just as happy and i apologize mostly for the shitty entry... and i cant imagine where my life would be going if things werent going the way they are...
THIS IS WHAT I WANT. THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD BE. YOU ARE ALL I WANT.
