2003-01-03����10:37 p.m. nose whistles and getting ditched
ok, so its one thing to feel inadequate... its a whole other feeling to feel worthless... to know no one notices your not around... i spent new years with my friend heidi... we have been friends for 13 years now. we had never spent a new years together... but this year we did... and we were so happy that we did, and we have so many hopes for this new year. this year we both started, single for the first in 5 years and together, best friends... and here it is not even 2 whole days later and i am sitting like a moron at home cuz she said she'd call and she hasnt... nope, wont answer her phone either... now tell me... if you already feel sorry for yourself, you feel like you have no life, your not worth talking to, your a horrible person, your so lonely, is what you need to be hugged? or ditched?
well, here i sit, alone, wishing i had some friends. but i dont. heidi is off with some other friends... my favorite boy cory is in cuba... all my retarded fault that i havent seen him... brian is in boston... wendy and joe are just getting home from work prolly and want to go to bed... although... i did meet someone today. someone who made me feel so pretty we talked for a while... BUT HE'S IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!!
so suck ass little me on my pitty pot whining and sitting in front of the computer, ready to go out, no where, with wet shoes on. i have an automatic car starter. i can start it from the window. its warm in my car, ready to go. i just dont think im going to join it.
ooh ooh... and some one did call me... he goes by the name alien to my friends and i. (with very good reason) yeah he called and you know what... hes doing the same thing i am... and i wasnt even cool enough for him to invite over. im in front of the computer and hes chain smoking and drinking. he goes "i dunno why i called you. i havent talked to you on the phone in... years... weird... yeah...so whats new? oh yeah... well... im sorry you got ditched...have fun..." in there was no boost of confidence. i want to go to cable car to talk to andrew but hes working and wouldnt be able to talk to me. i dunno. its also pretty shitty out. sleet and ice and snow everywhere. and my cat is sitting about 5 inches from my face and she has a nose whistle... im such a fucking loser. im glad no one loves me... right.. id just screw it up anyway...
