here i am again, growing more and more far away from this computer, this house, but things are hectic in other ways now... i have to tell brian at some point that there is someone else. he seems to be doing ok right now... we had 2 monster fights but ended up hanging out last week. i took the train up to boston on friday and we got to see one of my absolute favorite bands in a small club and we were so close to them, that was really great. then saturday we took the train back here to providence to see hoobastank with my friend heidi and her brian. that was ok.... and then i had to drive bri home to boston... that was scary. my car isn't so hot and i was really afraid for it but it seems to be doing ok.... on the way back from boston thou (for all you not on the east coast or not frequenters of the RI -MA area... its about an hour drive) i made heidi come with me to drop off bri cuz i knew there was no way i could do it myself ... and we were about 20 minutes from home and we i was just going on and on (we hadn't talked in a week) and i was blabbing and i go.... "you know dude?" "hyde???"
"are you awake?" and i look ... her eyes are open and starting straight ahead... "hyde, whats up???" (in a slow steady voice) "i have to pee so bad i am going to vomit ... you have to pull over.... get off on the next exit... " i laugh hard and remind her its 3:30 am and there isn't going to be anywhere to pee.... and i had never been in the city the next exit was for so i told her shed have to wait 5 minutes so we could get to attleboro cuz i knew a 24 hour gas station.... "you have to pull over or i am going to piss in your fuckin car... i have never had to pee as bad as i do right now... i think i am going to throw up... " so i get off on the very next exit.... one exit away from the one i was sure there was a 24hr store.... we see a closed gas station and then another... she screams.. "cumberland farms cumberland farms! pull in here!" "but its closed!" "i dont fucking care! im going outside, you got napkins?" "in the glove compartment.... she leaves, i call bri to let him know were almost home and were safe and that i am about to pee laughing at heidi pissing behind a dumpster in plainville. it was sooooooo hilarious. i almost peed in the car. but we got home safe and all was well.... i just dont know how to tell brian that there is someone else... god my head runs fast.... i could reread to see how i got to telling that story but, it was funnie and i am lazy.... i dunno, im so tired but i get sleep as late as i want tommorrow.. i over slept for work today. i was 40 minutes late... it was the night i have gotten the most sleep in a week and i over did it...i have so many great things that i have written in the last few weeks but i am in every direction lately... i dunno if i should even bother keeping this up... i want to really, but i hate the disappointment of going to read someone's journal and it being the same thing for days and days...
i think i have been ok thou, so many things going on and so little time to try to figure them out. and only time will be able to tell me if i need to worry. i need to get faith back. but there are so many low blows i am dealt that somehow break me. i dont want to divulge to much, certain things are best left personal.. other things im not so sure of, shady, scary, but i am strong, i have been before... have please let this be enough. i want to write more but as usually i have to get ready and wash up and get out of here ... wouldn't want to spend to much time resting, i may go into a coma. seriously. i have been working and working, i did a double yesterday dealing with my feelings and everyone else's, my job and everyone else's, and i am so tired, so tired. but sleep is just a dream to me. i cant get to much, there is so much i have to do. but mwah, i hope you are all doing well and soon i get to do another quiet night of entry upon entry to make up for lost time. but i might explode if i sit still to long. yyaaaaaawwwwnnnnn...... xoxoxoxoxooxooxoxoxox
