so last night i went to cable. i wasn't sure how soon i should go back and see AND. we had such an incredible night ...( i know i am trying to say something so new and dear to me but ... my bird is fucking hilarious ... he is covered over right now ....prolly cuz he was screaming his head off and annoying everyone ... but he is sitting under the blanket barking and barking. then he goes "what do you want what do you want what do you want?? and he laughs and laughs ... my sisters cell just rang and the bird says hello? my sister starts her conversation and goes "you loser!" to the person on the other end and the bird yells WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU WANNA GO OUTSIDE? then he laughs and laughs ... he's back to barking now ... ill continue)

soooooooo.... last night i went to cable... i didn't want to look obsessed so i waited till i thought AND would be gone... i thought this was fair. he knows that i go later (usually around 8) and i didn't know what time he was getting out but i knew he wasn't closing ... so i showed up at maybe 5 of nine ... this kid paul was working and a new girl... w got me hooked on chai so i got one and as i was waiting to pay i hear..... hey krissie..... he was still there. i said "hey, what are you still doing here... i thought you would be gone already" he thought he would have too (i guess he was supposed to be out at 7:15) but he had a really bad day at work and got held up. so i awkwardly go outside and sit, i take out my journal, only half planning on writing (actually hoping he'd come out) and he did, he had such a shitty day

shitty day= working with 2 new people who dont know how to really do anything yet ... lots of overflowed pots of coffee ... and not to mention ... the customer that decided it was a good idea to throw paper towels upon paper towels into the toilet instead of the trash and over flowed the toilet ... no one noticed this or said anything till water 3 inches deep was invading the line that you stand in to order ... so he had to deal with that.. so he came and plopped down outside and we talked for a while... i kept asking if i was keeping him, i know how it is when you have a shitty day and you want to go home no matter who is there ... so i asked him if he wanted me to let him go or if he wanted a ride home and he said he wanted to go for a walk.... we went walking down by the lovely providence river... and he said he knew a spot where we could sit ... he took me over and under on ramps and to this little cozy half falling into the water piece of concrete and we sat ... we were back, staring at those smoke stacks from a different perspective. they were much closer and to our left now ... we were talking about everything. EVERYTHING. and its so weird how much we are the same person. i went on this tangent about how i was so crazy for a while when i graduated high school, i wasn't with matt...(happy birthday entry) and i was moving to a new house.. a house instead of an apartment and the first place i would live different after 12 years in the same place... i was explaining this to him and how i was so out of touch but i was happy then. i also explained the phenomena of how i was so depressed, and i had to trudge out of it ... use screwdrivers to pull myself up the steep hill back into reality. and i tried to use my depression for good and make me feel better ... so i affirmed to myself, that in this new house, with this new found "freedom" that i was going to stat over, do things different. but the first friend i brought to my house pointed out something aerie to me ... my new shiny room, this new place that i had free range of, permission to paint and repaint, murals, anything i wanted ... was set up the same way, my bed in comparison to my dresser, my chest on chest drawers, my closet, and instead of my hanging shelves on the far wall, they were stand up book shelves ... the room was the same, nothing was placed differently may walls different, a 2nd window ... but everything else, placed where it had been for years in my apartment. but i came out of it, got better, had a routine to follow everyday ... work, home, work, home, then i made some friends, w&j, josh of my "southern thoughts" ... and i was different again, in a better way, then i met brian, i was sane, then i threw it all down, shook it all till it fell and only picked up certain pieces ... placing them where i wanted, and i went crazy again, i dunno if i call it depression, i guess it was, some form of it. but happy crazy.. enlightened crazy, almost whole ... and now ... i was sitting under a highway over pass with a boy i had obsessed over telling me the same thing... "my window was always there, my bed here, dresser there.... we moved ... window there, bed here, dresser there ... we moved, again same thing, just an extra window...

and were looking out over the water, and just talking, i started telling him about my airplane entry, i love that one for some reason, maybe cuz i can still picture the planes, and how perfect the weather was, and just warm and great the day was, and how peaceful a thought. so i was talking about how i wanted to leave providence but then sitting by the water, in such a little place, so simple and dirty, i was happy...he goes... "i love providence but i feel like i have to get out, my friends all went away after school, i have a friend stationed in germany... and they think im crazy cuz i am so attached to this place... " and i started giggling, feeling the same way ... but he starts again ... and says.. "i just feel like i have to get away.. it sounds silly but i wanna go to...*giggle*... i wanna go to (and i knew it.. i was going to finish his sentence) arizona..." and i burst out laughing and looked at him dumbfounded ... now i have never EVER been to the mid west let alone Arizona and i always say that where i wanna go... i told him this and we laughed for a while, feeling silly, and i said "when i say that i want to go to phoenix, people say... (he chimes in with) "Tempe???" then it isn't giggling anymore, its, weird...... and this happened all night. finishing each other sentences.

(im sorry this is so long it was just amazing)

we sat by the river and some how ended up holding onto one another, talking and also sitting in complete silence, but not an awkward silence, a silence where we dont have to say anything, everything is being said, and as were sitting by this river, black with the night sky, black with dirty highway run off. there were these little silver fish we couldn't see them (but i have sat along this river at different parts and seen these same type of fish) they are only sardine size and they sit in schools of thousands, every once in a while, one flips on its side and splashes water up and blows bubbles, then a few more will follow, flipping all over making tiny bubble noises and splish splashing, i was watching when this would happen. they are so amusing, so in lost in this and i look up and see the towers ... the 3 of them flashed at the same time, this thing that happens so few times a day considering the many different aspects of them alone let alone together.... well i saw it and pointed AND saw it too.... having watched those stacks for hours and only have seen it 2 other times in his life ... were back to giggling, sitting so happy and i look back down to the fish friends and watch them all start to flap and flip, bubble wildly and then a huge sewer rat comes jumping out with one in his mouth!!!!!!! and starts to run up the rock which is our cue to get the hell out of there (neither of us are to fond of rabies) so we do the dance back over the highways pieces and back to the comfort of cable car cuz i have to pee soooooo bad ... then we are right near my car around midnight ... and i asked what he wanted to do. (he had to work at 7 this morning as a computer tech... and then go to work at 6 for cable car. so i dont want to take him home but i cant keep him out, he has to work, so... i leave it up to him... i wanna go for a walk, do you want to? so we go for another walk ... 3rd in 2 days but whose counting, and we come to this fountain that we both love, we sit and not only talk about the fountain, we talk about our memories at the fountain, then we got on weird things like, he starts telling me about his favorite sci-fi novel of all time and i tell him about how i am a cribbage buff ... and decided i have to read his book and he has to learn my game ... and more talking, his hair is down now, shoulder length, curly soft, dark hair, falling all around us, (it smelled like strawberries) and we hold more, talking and not, just enjoying the feeling of our faces touching. i ended up falling asleep nestled in him.... only for a few minutes. but i was so safe again. on a bench in front of a fountain ... making new memories. then we strolled all the way back to my car, cold but happy, arm in arm. when we got into my fabulous oldsmobile, i had to defrost my rear window (it was frrreeeeezing) he asked what i was thinking and i think it was just something along the lines of... "you make me happy andrew." he volunteered what he was thinking, i like to ask but he told me ... he said "i remember seeing you so many times in passing, for years i've known your name but i didn't feel i could use it. i didn't think i was worthy to use it....i saw you one night, it was late, around midnight, i was comming out of work and i saw you sitting waiting for a ride, you looked so cold, i wanted to give you my scarf, you looked like you needed it. but you didn't look like you wanted to talk to anyone...." i never knew...