i went down to newport last night with 2 friends, what is it about newport? ill tell you what it is, there were fireworks when we arrived on thames st and were waiting to get into the restraunt. what is it about fireworks? they remind me of days when i wasnt so lonely. i am starting to reconsider. i think that is just about the stupidest thing, reconsider the person that made me feel so bad. "any time they want a girl in a magazine to look like a whore, they dress them like you..."
that was one of my favorites...
i need something else. i try to paint, i try so hard but i cant do it right now, there is something in me holding me back. i even went and spent a shitload of money that i dont have on paints. but i cant do it. i try so hard, it usually makes me feel better but i cant get to the point. i dunno....bitch bitch bitch...
it just sickened me to have to sit by and watch them make out and flirt and throw stares and glances, flick tongues across the table, i wanted to kill myself with the burger i was eating.
but, my meal was free, i got to play a shooting game that you shoot targets set up next to jungle animals and flowers and bet tickets and some of them shoot you with water... i was soaked but i also had the most tickets!
i ended up with a giant pixie stick and it was yucky orange... but i choked most of it down before i thought i would hurl...
the rest of the night consisted of "what do you wanna do?" till we got sick of looking at eachother and came home. i just want something to look forward to...
oh yeah, the whole point of last night was i was supposed to be being set up with a supposedly "totally insaine georgus, funnie, oh, you gotta meet him" guy. but i was rejected before he even knew my name. oh well...
i wish i had something worth saying, so it would be something worth reading, but no one even knows this exists...
i wanna go to maryland.
